My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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