wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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