Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Text me some of your sweat
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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