five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
