i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
