Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
