I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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