I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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