a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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