woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
