Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
