I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
