I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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