so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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