i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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