I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize