The brown eye won't let me do that either.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
