I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
