The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
