Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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