It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dick very happy bro
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
