just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
