there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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