oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
