i already hear my dad disowning me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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