My first STD was from a foam party
it hurts more in the daytime
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
