threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
