i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
