I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
