I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
