Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
