tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
