1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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