the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
