so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize