who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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