Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
