So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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