I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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