He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
