Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
