I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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