I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Alive.
So much puke
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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