but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
