He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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