I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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