Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
