so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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