I think I died a long time ago.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
