Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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