Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
