I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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