I hate your face
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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