if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
