we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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