but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
