dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
