At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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