I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
40s are totally the cure
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
