I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Dignity is for republicans.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
