btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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