OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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