oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
