youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
