i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
