So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
