Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
