You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
