I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
