6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
