I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
