I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
