I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
